A Completely Biased and Rather Ornery List of Knitting Gadgets, Projects, and Practices I Have No Use For

1. Cup cozies. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Yarn against ceramic—it just seems like an invitation to shard-spewing, coffee-sloshing catastrophe. Yes, I could use them on paper cups, but that would involve being able to keep track of them, and a) I admit to liking my hot beverages lukewarm and b) that would involve keeping track of them in the chaos of my desk and car.

2. 14″ needles. These make me feel awkwardly flappy, rather like an albatross. If I need needles that length, I’ll go with circulars.

3. Knitted swimsuits. Knitted thongs, Knitted bras. Does this really need any explanation?

4. Decorative stitch markers. Yes, they’re pretty, but the metal rings hurt my hands. Give me simple, cushy rubber any day.

5. Lace patterns without charts. These are a sure way to make mistakes that you won’t discover until you’ve knitted five more rows, which leaves one tinking for nearly as long as one knits.

6. Cardigans designed to gap when they’re buttoned. I don’t need any help looking as though I’m outgrowing my clothes.

7. Newsboy caps. Every ten years or so, these become hot again. Every ten years or so, I’m once again completely unimpressed.

8. Knitting magazines that waste page space on crochet patterns. I don’t go looking for knits in crochet mags, why should crocheters get to take over my turf?

9. Knitting instructions that do things like asking you to knit from three charts at once, each with a different row repeat and then tell you to “work left side decreases as right side in pattern stich.” Designers: if it made your brain hurt to figure it out the first time, it’s going to hurt the brain of every knitter who tries to work your pattern unless you explain how you did it.

10. Any yarn with less than 100 yards per skein. It’s just cruel.

I’m sure I’ve omitted all kinds of thing. Feel free to add to the list.

11 Replies to “A Completely Biased and Rather Ornery List of Knitting Gadgets, Projects, and Practices I Have No Use For”

  1. I hate splurging on a pricey (at least for me) yarn to only to come across two or three knots as I’m knitting! Grrr!

  2. Boucle yarn, ‘fun’ fur, ‘fancy’ yarn. No explanation needed!

    purling! most awkward part of knitting. hate it. don’t do it. knit back and forth like corn on the cob.

    Ditto on the stitch markers.

  3. I’m with you on the tiny skeins. What’s the point of a 33 yard skein of yarn! I also hate afhgans. The time commitment for such a project give me the hebejebees.

  4. HA! Hahahaha!
    I am so with you on ALL of these!
    (well, except I like one very specific kind of metal ring stitch marker — no danglies, no open areas — because it slides well yet hugs the needle. They’re sized to be just bigger than the needle.


    Patterns that call for 17 skeins of whatever. (Cost aside, try finding these all at one place or matching dye lots!)

    Patterns that call for TWO skeins of the most expensive yarn evah.

    Commercial sweater patterns only offered in one or a couple sizes.

    Color names that bear absolutely no resemblance to the color of the yarn, or to color in general (Rowan, I’m looking at you).

    Sock yarn that’s not enough to knit a decent size sock (Colinette Jitterbug, I’m looking at you).

  5. Hear hear on #7! I hate those hats. The most recent incarnation, they seem larger than I remember. Almost like those railway engineer hats from the 70’s! Shudder.

  6. I agree with them all, but for the decorative stitch markers! I love those. Especially the ones made by weeones at Etsy. 🙂

    I also hate knots in my yarn. And colour interruptions in striped yarns (like Noro or Kauni). And knitting books that have fairly advanced patterns but still include ten pages on basic knitting how-to…

  7. You’ve left out:
    Elastic stitch holders – ones with stiff middle bar and a band of elastic stretched around.
    Point protectors shaped like anything but a stopper, flat or round.
    Knitted skirts – I’m 50-mumble. Enough said.

    I love decorative stitch markers and have dozens of them which I use all the time.

  8. Holy Cow!!! Knitters seem like such a laid-back group of people! Who knew there was so much anger & animosity brewing just below the surface? Next time I’m around you, Sarah-Hope, I’m going to keep a keen eye on those needles – and think twice before I open my yap! 🙂

  9. I agree with them all, including s titch markers. No thank you! They dangle and tangle in my lace Pi knitting.

    Since I just priced some Noro silk garden chunky with about 66 yards in a skein, I so agree with you on things less than 100 yards.. who are they fooling? It doesn’t make it more attractive to have to spit join that many more breaks and it can’t make it any more expensive.

    Yes, on the crankiness in me anyway, at the end of the year, especially this year. It’s the WORST one I can remember in just about 50 years.

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