1. Cup cozies. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Yarn against ceramic—it just seems like an invitation to shard-spewing, coffee-sloshing catastrophe. Yes, I could use them on paper cups, but that would involve being able to keep track of them, and a) I admit to liking my hot beverages lukewarm and b) that would involve keeping track of them in the chaos of my desk and car.
2. 14″ needles. These make me feel awkwardly flappy, rather like an albatross. If I need needles that length, I’ll go with circulars.
3. Knitted swimsuits. Knitted thongs, Knitted bras. Does this really need any explanation?
4. Decorative stitch markers. Yes, they’re pretty, but the metal rings hurt my hands. Give me simple, cushy rubber any day.
5. Lace patterns without charts. These are a sure way to make mistakes that you won’t discover until you’ve knitted five more rows, which leaves one tinking for nearly as long as one knits.
6. Cardigans designed to gap when they’re buttoned. I don’t need any help looking as though I’m outgrowing my clothes.
7. Newsboy caps. Every ten years or so, these become hot again. Every ten years or so, I’m once again completely unimpressed.
8. Knitting magazines that waste page space on crochet patterns. I don’t go looking for knits in crochet mags, why should crocheters get to take over my turf?
9. Knitting instructions that do things like asking you to knit from three charts at once, each with a different row repeat and then tell you to “work left side decreases as right side in pattern stich.” Designers: if it made your brain hurt to figure it out the first time, it’s going to hurt the brain of every knitter who tries to work your pattern unless you explain how you did it.
10. Any yarn with less than 100 yards per skein. It’s just cruel.
I’m sure I’ve omitted all kinds of thing. Feel free to add to the list.