Large, handsome, enthusiastic orange and white cat seeks employment as a computer assistant/muse. Giant paws enable stepping on multiple keys simultaneously, resulting in new and creative keyboard commands. Powerful whippy tail can disconnect working USB cables, resulting in corrupted external hard drives and lost iTunes libraries. Possible employment as a WMD. Bonus: also makes an excellent paperweight. Current human does not appreciate my skill set. Ask for Damian.
I’m having one of those fortuitous moments when the right yarn and the right pattern join together to create knitting that’s pure pleasure.
The Pattern is Iris from Sunflower Designs. (Below is a picture of the designer’s original piece, not my version—I can’t take any credit at all, except for having the good sense to find this stole irresistable.)
This pattern calls for 5,000+ seed beads, which I admit I am not using: they would no doubt look lovely, but would seriously reduce the likelihood of my every finishing this piece.
The yarn is Blue Heron Egyptian Mercerized Cotton in Old Gold. (That’s it there on the right.) Note that clicking on the Blue Heron link may induce drooling, lust, and uncontrollable yarn acquisition. I will not be held responsible for the consequences.
Melissa’s misplaced her camera at the moment, so I can’t show you pictures of the delightful union of these two, but I’ll try to correct that situation soon.
Now, if my work would only do itself, so I could stick to knitting.
My friend Ellen (actually I have three friends Ellen; this is my virologist, bird-watching, opera-loving friend Ellen), sent me a wonderful pair of photos taken by her trip leader on a recent birding jaunt to Brazil. This is no zoo animal. It’s an honest-to-gosh jaguar in his (her?) natural habitat, stretched out along a tree branch for simultaneous relaxation and prey-spotting.
Look at the size of his nose and ears and paws, so clearly the tools of an alpha predator. Not to mention the enormous muzzle—the better to bite you with!
Ellen’s email to me noted that “[The photographer] took them standing at the back of an open boat about 18 feet long. I was sitting on a bench seat near the front of the same boat. I don’t know how big a telephoto lens he was using, but these are stills from his videocam.”
Addendum by Melissa:
Damian is not impressed by the jaguar.
He says anyone can see that the jaguar is so much smaller than he is. He has NO idea.
We’ve often written about how helpful our cats are. They take their household duties seriously, and none more so than Damian. Living in an artist’s live/work loft has given him many opportunities to offer his input and assistance.
When he was a wee lad, his main duty was to do a close-up inspection of paintings in progress. He did this by running full speed across the floor, leaping onto the easel, and scaling the painting until he ended up perched on top of the canvas. He was always quick to point out the newly-formed scratches and claw-holes that he found. Now that he has grown into his full 20-pound glory I try to discourage this type of inspection, but with his rigorous work ethic he is not easily dissuaded.
Enter the new scratching post! I found this pristine deluxe perch at a yard sale –a steal at $5!– and happened to put it near my painting area. Damian loves it, and it lets him examine my canvases at close range, and, best yet, even while lying down.
He still gets excited about his work:
And often offers unique perspectives in his critiques:
Maggie helps too. Her forte is wood-carving. She’s working on reshaping this stepstool:
Wildfires in Santa Cruz
On a more serious note, you may have heard of the wildfires in the hills above Santa Cruz. Town Cats, a no-kill shelter, is taking donations to help the Taj Meow Animal Sanctuary, which was completely destroyed in the blaze. Please click here if you can help.
[Courtesy of Melissa, who found this item in a $1 bargain bin.]
Me-arrrgh! Here be pirates!
Archy declined to participate in the festivities.
Please note, no cats were harmed in the photo shoot, except for maybe their dignity.
And in case you are wondering, it is a one-size-fits-most foam hat. Kind of an upside-down and reversed tennis visor, if that makes any sense. Or a rally hat.
Madam, I must reply to your assertion of last week that my three very fine cats, to wit, Archy, Maggie, and Damian, have “quirks”. I must point out that they are not guilty of this so-called quirkiness; they are merely asserting their individual eccentricities. Nonetheless, since etiquette demands an answer to your post, I will endeavor to paint a quick portrait of some of their more endearing qualities.
Archy:
1. Archy has a habit of forming lasting relationships with pillows. His longest-lasting, and most tragic, affair was with the lime-green faux fur pillow known as Brigitte. Brigitte had a difficult life, having been orphaned at an early age and raised in a convent by heartless nuns. She ran away to Sweden, where she survived as best she could until she found a job with Ikea, and moved to Emeryville, California, and from there to my house. While Archy proved to be fickle in his affections, Brigitte remained true, to the point of sacrificing herself in the search for Archy when he went walkabout in 2006. Archy has since developed a relationship with the less flamboyant but no doubt more comfortable flannel-covered pillows on my bed.
2. Archy will do anything to get a taste of the treats known as “Temptations.”
Maggie
1. Maggie also has a love interest: fleece-on-a-stick. She loves loves loves fleece-on-a-stick, to the point that if I cruelly refuse to play with her constantly, she takes it in her mouth and drags it along after me, pausing occasionally to drop her amour and meow pitifully: “Please play!”
2. Maggie is practicing to be a saint. She does this by rolling her eyes heavenward, much like the paintings of Murillo or El Greco. She believes rolling your eyes is all you need to do to become a saint…and since she is a divine kitty, I suspect she’s right.
Damian
Ah, Damian…so many eccentricities, so little time. Here are two.
1. Damian likes beer, but is scared to death of beer bottles. If I am drinking a beer, Damian will sneak up and lick the beer bottle or glass, thoroughly cleaning it to the last drop. Blow into the beer bottle, however, and the deep hooting noise will send Damian running, literally shaking like a leaf.
2. Damian wants to be a hairdresser when he grows up. He loves hair, and if given the chance, will grip your head in his giant paws and groom your hair right down to your scalp. He has been known to leap across the room onto the shoulders of complete strangers to give their hair a good working-over (not the best way to charm prospective collectors when you are having an open studio!).
Now my conundrum: I am not a blogger, do not have a blog circle. Who to tag next? I will leave that to Sarah-Hope.
In response to a bidding war between Steven Spielberg and Ron Howard for the rights to their life stories, Melissa and I have been considering appropriate casting of actors to portray the cats. Here’s what we have so far.
Archy:
We’ve had no problem thinking of actors suited to playing Archy. The only problem is that they’re all dead, so they may not be current on their SAG dues. Archy feels that Rudolph Valentino would do him justice and could capture the seductive charms he so devastatingly employs on throw pillows. Melissa and I (with a different perspective on his—ahem!—pillow-wooing) feel Maurice Chevalier might be more appropriate.
Beatrice:
Yes, she’s beautiful (and affectionate in her own let-me-keep-you-at-a-healthy-distance sort of way). But she’s also skittish, vengeful, and difficult. We know the perfect actor: Christina Ricci.
Maggie:
No doubt about it: given her woozle-y ways Maggie simply must be played by Queen Latifah. Who else could do her justice?
Damian:
Once you’ve seen him in action, you know there’s only one actor who can capture the energy, the intensity, the ridiculosity that is Damian. We’re holding out for Will Ferrell, and will settle for no-one else.
Penny:
Finding the right actress to portray Penny may be challenging as she’s such a complex personality. With people, she’s tender-hearted and cautious, but goes all lovey-mushy once she decides there’s no threat. With other cats—well, as far as she’s concerned, the threat never goes away. She’s ever-vigilant, alternating between cowering beneath furniture and near pyrotechnic displays of the ancient (and deadly and noisy) art of opera-fu. Having given the matter careful consideration, we’re pretty sure recent Oscar-winner Tilda Swinton is up to the task.
Sparky:
This calls for an actor with range. Yes, he needs a pretty face, but he also needs to be able to portray everything from leonine repose to why-would-the-neighbors-get-a-kitten-when-they-have-me-to-entertain? uncertainty. We know just the actor. He’s played a caveman, an archaeologist/adventurer, a hunky gardener, a 1950s naif, a district attorney, and more. Our candidate? Brendan Fraser.
Who know what our lives will be like once filming is underway? We’ll be overwhelmed by stylists and entourages and relaxation specialists and specialty chefs who know a thousand ways to grill a goldfish. But if Sam Lutfi comes knocking? We’re not opening the door.
Recently, Melissa sent me a postcard with this admirable sentiment…
And on the reverse…
Top to bottom: Penny, Sparky, Beatrice, Damian, Archy, Maggie. I can assure you that she has achieved a remarkable likeness in every case.
Melissa and I have no shortage of good-looking cats.
Here’s Damian, engaging in one of his regular pastimes…
…admiring that handsome cat in the mirror. You can just hear his inner monologue: Who is that good-looking fellow? My but he keeps his whites white! Such a noble jaw! Being him must be nearly as delightful as being me! Why doesn’t he come over for a visit? I bet we could have lively times together.
Sparky is growing up to become quite the handsome tom.
Even as a kitten, he was quite the matinee idol.
Just look at him curled up with his brother Woody.
Those boys were absolutely devoted to each other: side-by-side all day and sound asleep in each other’s arms every night. I’m not sure they realized they were separate entities. I think each of them thought of himself as an eight-legged, four-eared, two-tailed creature, oddly able to move in multiple directions at once.
When the weather gets cold, Maggie and Damian snuggle.
Sometimes there is a bit of too-vigorous ear-washing and things go all to hell, but the lower the temperature the less frequent the squabbles.
Archy, on the other hand, doesn’t care how cold it is.
He will not be snuggling up with Maggie or Damian—even if his home gets as cold as Lambeau Field during a Packers play-off game.
And now, I must write up the last handout for my 10:00 class. With luck, I’ll be able to sneak in a few rows on my new knitting project once that’s done.
